Today is a crappy day.

I woke to it pouring rain outside. I get Jennah up to start our day, and she has a slow pokey start, So I get her breakfast, make her lunch and tell her to get dress as I’m making it. She picks an outfit out, then puts the shirt on(one she’s worn lots) and desides that she’s not liking it and what else do I have to wear.. Oh my let me tell you! She has this way of just knowing how to push that button with me. And it’s with the little things she does to pick at something to make it a bigger problem than it is. So if I pick a shirt, I’m in trouble, if I tell her she doesn’t have to wear that spesific shirt, I’m in trouble. If I put my foot down with her and get stern she has an even bigger attitude. :S I feel so sad inside when I have these out bursts with her. I just wanna curl up in a ball and cry. :(

She just loves and seems feed off of making me upset with her. By doing the opposite of what I ask, by having to find a problem with everything we talk about. If I tell her No to something I become the enemy, because she’s so use to daddy giving into her, and with that I’ve not held my end of parenting by keeping my foot down and sticking to what I say, because now it’s a big fight because one says yes and the other no! And of course the one saying no(me) is getting th e blunt of it.. She will look at me so evil and say “SHE wont let me!” and it just beaks my heart.. Makes me think I’m doing something so terribly wrong with her, and am hurting her by just being there.. I get the same feelings that I did with Amber, with her I get it, I wasn’t her mother, so I understood and it didn’t hurt the way it does now. And the way it does with Jennah.. I know I’ve been wrong with not staying as firm as I should and it’s so hard because I know what I need to do but that’s so hard in so many ways to accomplish. I’m hurting her more in the end anyway. :#( I really can’t wait to get out on Halloween with my girls and have some drinks :B and dance my cares away and get a good hug from them.. I really need to be hugged, I get hugs from my Jennah everyday, more so when she’s saying sorry for her :lol tudes. But still!

I just need to get a good breather. And release.. I feel so alone and when I’m with my friends I feel so good about myself and happy. And that’s something I don’t feel often, I do when I really try, but I don’t have that want to try, I have so many complications in my life, and so many downers. that :gr ArrGghHhH!

Someone take me away!!! :ow