“Dreams”

The Cranberries 

Oh, my life is changing everyday
In every possible way
And my dreams it’s never quiet as it seems
Never quiet as it seems

I know I’ve felt like this before
But now I’m feeling it even more
Because it came from you
And then I open up and see
The person falling here is me
A different way to be

I want more, impossible to ignore
Impossible to ignore
And they’ll come true, impossible not to do
Impossible not to do

And now I tell you openly
You have my heart so don’t hurt me
You’re what I couldn’t find
A totally amazing mind
So understanding and so kind
You’re everything to me

Oh, my life is changing every day
In every possible way
And my dreams it’s never quiet as it seems
‘Cause you’re a dream to me, dream to me.

—————-
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 Wow.. I’ve not had this much confusion and being upset in a long time.  I got a call from my mom today that her dad passed away. I’d not seen him since Jennah was a baby. I didn’t get upset, but felt really sad for my mom, her mother passed away about a year or so before Jennah was born, my mom took it real bad  back then I hadn’t built the barrier I have up now. So it crushed me to hear my mom so upset, we still had this really weird bond. I was(and still am) the type of person that hurts to be without family, but wants more than nothing to have as positive as possible life for my children. I’m struggling so hard to give that to Jennah, were-as my mother, didn’t!  Now since my mom’s illness’s last March, it’s strange she calls me more often, and actually asks about Jennah. She suffered a lot, and I often wonder being that I’m so on my own with really no one to turn to, other than Jays parent’s which is something I try not to do. And really are they any different than my family? Not really. They play favorites with the kids, Jennah feels like somewhat of an outcast, as do I. Which for me it’s only natural being that I’m the EX daughter in law. And I try so hard to limit myself as much as possible, and take the odd invite to dinner, and I do Jennah and I’s laundry there. & yes now they’re moving below me……

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