I seem to have so much to say all the time, atleast to myself in my own head. I get the urge and sit down to vent it all out in here, and FUCK it never happens for me. OR I tend to get a draft going and get up and walk away leaving it forever, then turning off the pc and then never getting back to that entry, and when I do I read it and so much more has gone on and the entry seems pointless to me.

I need to get my shit together. I have so much going on and so much stressing me out I feel like I’m in a downward spiral.. *sighs* There’s so much I need to do, and so much I want to do and yet I can’t find the strength within to feel like I can do it. :(

I’m so bad, I’ve been meaning to make this entry for some time now, but keep getting side tracked or too lazy to get my thoughts and fingers on the same page.. lol I’ve been so happy these past few months. I’ve never been happier, aside from the day Jennah was born. :) <3

I’m truly enjoying the time that Evan and I spend together, he treats me so good and makes me feel so special. We’re almost inseparable, even with the hour and a half distance between us :( He spends, I think too much on coming to see me through the week. We see each other every weekend and although I love how much I get to see him and would love to see him everyday, I’m good with knowing that it’s expensive to see each other more than that. But it is his choice, and I let him have that ;) We’re always out and about doing something or other, it’s been an active dating process and we both seem to be loving it. We just went to the Toronto Zoo last weekend…… View the rest of this entry…

Oh boy was yesterday a day…

I get a call from Jennahs friends mom, all worried to tell me something that had happened.. I’m like, “O.k?” What’s wrong. She’s still worried to tell me, I finally convince her that it’s o.k I wont be upset. She then tells me Jennah got cut on her leg. So I ask her “How bad is it?”. She tells me it’s pretty bad and she thinks she should take her to the hospital. I’m like “o.k please do, but how bad is it?”. She said it was a small gash but it looked deep. So I ask what hospital and told her I’d be there.. I already had plans to get out and take some pictures on such a beautiful day.. So I would just ask to wiz me up to Hamilton to the hospital, they needed more info than they had.. So we get there, and it’s the wrong St Joe’s Hospital, she was at the urgent care center.. So another 20 mins or so to get there to her..

We get there and she’s still waiting to get the stitches in, because they had to have my consent. Which they’d already gotten from me on the phone.. So we wheeled her into the room and the nurse came in the check the freezing it was still frozen, but starting to wear off, then doctor comes in and checks it out, and sees that they didn’t need to refreeze it, but to just start stitching. So she ended up with 3 stitches, which she did really well considering she said she could feel it. And said ow a couple of times :( My pooor baby girl!

After getting the stitches and getting ready to leave, she told me she wanted to stay at her friends still, so I let her. I didn’t want her whole weekend ruined. So I let her and went with my friend to Niagara Falls for a couple hours.. Had dinner and got her a new build a bear outfit, my friend bought it for her for being so brave.. lol Then got her two hamsters on Sunday.. Well one lil fella is for me .. They’re so damn CUUTE! I can’t wait to take pics of the lil buggars.. lmao

 Wow.. I’ve not had this much confusion and being upset in a long time.  I got a call from my mom today that her dad passed away. I’d not seen him since Jennah was a baby. I didn’t get upset, but felt really sad for my mom, her mother passed away about a year or so before Jennah was born, my mom took it real bad  back then I hadn’t built the barrier I have up now. So it crushed me to hear my mom so upset, we still had this really weird bond. I was(and still am) the type of person that hurts to be without family, but wants more than nothing to have as positive as possible life for my children. I’m struggling so hard to give that to Jennah, were-as my mother, didn’t!  Now since my mom’s illness’s last March, it’s strange she calls me more often, and actually asks about Jennah. She suffered a lot, and I often wonder being that I’m so on my own with really no one to turn to, other than Jays parent’s which is something I try not to do. And really are they any different than my family? Not really. They play favorites with the kids, Jennah feels like somewhat of an outcast, as do I. Which for me it’s only natural being that I’m the EX daughter in law. And I try so hard to limit myself as much as possible, and take the odd invite to dinner, and I do Jennah and I’s laundry there. & yes now they’re moving below me……

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OMG! We had a great night, I got so trashed but enjoyed every little minute of it.. lol Facebook has now been graced with some more wonderfully funny photos of our bitches nights.. hehe

Although some pics are not flattering at all.. lol One of me had to be removed in fact LOVE You Sabrina, thank you!

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